i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Randomize
