i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
