i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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