he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
