Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
