I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
