Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
