Just cropdusted the office
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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