Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
