My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
