So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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