this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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