I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
