Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
