Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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