The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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