You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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