I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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