Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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