I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
