Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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