Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
