I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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