You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
