Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
