I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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