idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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