White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
