I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
