He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
