he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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