I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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