...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
