oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES