Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.