My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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