you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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