I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
