His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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