I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
