you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
