Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
