he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
A bitchslap is in order.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My life is pants optional.
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