Non-Jews are for practice
this must be what syphilis tastes like
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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