We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
this is an emotional support booty call
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
