And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
