Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
