why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't deserve a penis
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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