im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
