wakey wakey hands off snakey
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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