Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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