Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
