I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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