drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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