We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
