My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
