Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
