she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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