She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
