I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
