And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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