Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
