tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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